What if???
- I'm still in Singapore?
- I haven't done uni?
- I've done uni in Sg part time?
- I'm not living away by myself?
- I'm not working in my career now?
- I'm still working as my Technical Consultant?
Would i be happier??????? yes....and hugely NO.........
*sigh*... all the anguish, all the fear, all the stress, all the hatred, all the disappointments, all the laughter, all the tears.....
I'm still not too sure......
The only reason why I'm writing this post is:
I can't understand what's the issue with picking up the phone to someone dear to see if she's alright....
Many a time i wished that i can just pack up and head back..would i be happier?? maybe yes...personally with family around, etc....
but hugely no in the sense of career and opportunities... i really wished my family was here..have a sense of belonging to friends too....
i know u're busy..i know u're stressed... i know u're overworked... would it be better if i had not bothered u in the first place?????
*i know the bf will be very disappointed to see this*..... and we'd probably argue over this again.....but oh well... if it happens, it happens...
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Saturday, August 2, 2008
am i feeling alone or am i really alone?
Really felt that today. ,...
Perhaps its the stress... perhaps its the disappointment..perhaps its the anger.. its all negative emotions mixed into one..been a while since I've ever tugged my head into my favourite pillow, and let my tears flow..out of anger, out of stress, whatever you name it which is negative i feel ..... maybe its just depression.....
i don't know..and it hurts..because suddenly i realise that i cannot find a single positive thing to be happy about..its like meeting the dementors in harry potter where they have sucked all the happiness out of you and then make u lifeless ported over to reality.
this is my venting ground.. perhaps i feel comfort that i know not a lot of people actually know that i can update this blog and it has probably been deserted...i feel tired, i feel despondent..
like the bf.... we're not going to be together for a while... and maybe that's why? there's no one here to pamper me, no one here to say "how are you gen? are you alright? can i bring you out? " no one here to say "here is my shoulder if you need a bit of comfort"... yes, i do know that HE is always there if i needed consolation... HE is always near me...HE is always everywere.... i just need to cry... i just need to feel like a kid again...i just need to feel wanted...
maybe its just the time of the month......
heading off to seak comfort in my pillows....
Perhaps its the stress... perhaps its the disappointment..perhaps its the anger.. its all negative emotions mixed into one..been a while since I've ever tugged my head into my favourite pillow, and let my tears flow..out of anger, out of stress, whatever you name it which is negative i feel ..... maybe its just depression.....
i don't know..and it hurts..because suddenly i realise that i cannot find a single positive thing to be happy about..its like meeting the dementors in harry potter where they have sucked all the happiness out of you and then make u lifeless ported over to reality.
this is my venting ground.. perhaps i feel comfort that i know not a lot of people actually know that i can update this blog and it has probably been deserted...i feel tired, i feel despondent..
like the bf.... we're not going to be together for a while... and maybe that's why? there's no one here to pamper me, no one here to say "how are you gen? are you alright? can i bring you out? " no one here to say "here is my shoulder if you need a bit of comfort"... yes, i do know that HE is always there if i needed consolation... HE is always near me...HE is always everywere.... i just need to cry... i just need to feel like a kid again...i just need to feel wanted...
maybe its just the time of the month......
heading off to seak comfort in my pillows....
Monday, May 5, 2008
WHAT THE?
how would ANYONE think of such a scheme??? OMG! beter stay @ home rather than work
http://www.news.com.au/business/story/0,23636,23650623-462,00.html
Summary:
Paid parental leave proposal would slug all workersBy Sue Dunlevy
May 06, 2008 01:01am
Inquiry examines maternity leave proposals
One option will levy workers and employers
Position left vacant would be subsidised
What it means:
- Having children will entitle you to more benefits at the expense of single workers or workers would would not want to have kids in the aid of bearing the costs.
- Apparently not.
http://www.news.com.au/business/story/0,23636,23650623-462,00.html
Summary:
Paid parental leave proposal would slug all workersBy Sue Dunlevy
May 06, 2008 01:01am
Inquiry examines maternity leave proposals
One option will levy workers and employers
Position left vacant would be subsidised
What it means:
- Having children will entitle you to more benefits at the expense of single workers or workers would would not want to have kids in the aid of bearing the costs.
- Apparently not.
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Unproductive in study
you know u're really old when u can't simply look at a book read it and absorb it..one paragraph takes me 10 x the speed to read it and i can't absorb it in. that's when i know 'm in real trouble.
kind of miss these right now.....
However, if i really were to go back.. i'd prob be $1000 poorer due to the hike in air prices and that i really need to start looking for places to stay in December 2008, probably moving down to the city.
Who knows, maybe i might be like this again:
instead of a big giant... as what i am right now.. *laughs*
kind of miss these right now.....
However, if i really were to go back.. i'd prob be $1000 poorer due to the hike in air prices and that i really need to start looking for places to stay in December 2008, probably moving down to the city.
Who knows, maybe i might be like this again:
instead of a big giant... as what i am right now.. *laughs*
I give up
- everything i say seems to be not important
- everything i do seems to be nonsensical
- everything i fail to do is simple things
most importantly,
you DON"T EVEN understand what i'm saying.
moral of the story: what's the point of being with you when you don't want to even listen to what i'm saying?
- everything i do seems to be nonsensical
- everything i fail to do is simple things
most importantly,
you DON"T EVEN understand what i'm saying.
moral of the story: what's the point of being with you when you don't want to even listen to what i'm saying?
Saturday, May 3, 2008
on Study leave ...yet again
Really productive this weekend on sleep i guess, as a result of the waking up @ 5.30am every morning and coming home @ 10pm every nite due to work and dinner and movie appointments. *laughs* yes yes.. thinking of pulling an allnighter tonight to at least get half of the first chpt done.
living here in brissy all by myself with my housemate for the last 4 mths makes me miss the times which i was staying with someone close even more. I'm not complaining of my housemate cause she's a gem, paying her rents on time and everything, however when i see mates who are staying together, such as my new colleage Jeremiah + gf (who is a darl), han +jess (she's perfect), ww + chillipadi (very sacrificial hubby), and many more..i get to appreciate the times which I was staying with him, the many times which he was there for me (esp. the picking me to/fro work, changing of light bulbs, cleaning up, having a shoulder to cry on when things don't go well, hugging @ the end of the day to tell me someone cares, etc)-> all of which I tend to take for granted a little. ....
but oh well, life is just so unexpected and just got to make the most out of it.still loving what i do here..and i think that's more impt, although like every girl pursues, an assurance token however that just comes with time doesn't it?
on an ending note, ching + wk is getting married! happy for them to finally be together.. i think..perhaps Cat and myself had a little involvement with the match making??? *laughs*
living here in brissy all by myself with my housemate for the last 4 mths makes me miss the times which i was staying with someone close even more. I'm not complaining of my housemate cause she's a gem, paying her rents on time and everything, however when i see mates who are staying together, such as my new colleage Jeremiah + gf (who is a darl), han +jess (she's perfect), ww + chillipadi (very sacrificial hubby), and many more..i get to appreciate the times which I was staying with him, the many times which he was there for me (esp. the picking me to/fro work, changing of light bulbs, cleaning up, having a shoulder to cry on when things don't go well, hugging @ the end of the day to tell me someone cares, etc)-> all of which I tend to take for granted a little. ....
but oh well, life is just so unexpected and just got to make the most out of it.still loving what i do here..and i think that's more impt, although like every girl pursues, an assurance token however that just comes with time doesn't it?
on an ending note, ching + wk is getting married! happy for them to finally be together.. i think..perhaps Cat and myself had a little involvement with the match making??? *laughs*
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